Awake in a can: Monster Rehab

Most energy drinks give me the jitters. I like the taste of Red Bull (so use that as a barometer for how much you’re likely to agree with me on taste matters such as this), but it routinely makes me break out in hives on my hands and arms. I actually kind of like several of the regular Monster energy sodas, but they generally make me feel like I want to run through a few brick walls, which isn’t the kind of energy I’m looking for to keep me alert and attentive at my desk-bound job.

But these Monster Rehab drinks are something else. For one, they’re not carbonated. They’re more like Gatorade or iced tea than Mountain Dew. For two, they actually attempt to have some “natural” flavors (which is always a bit of a relative term when dealing with these sorts of beverages, of course). Take for example the Rojo Tea, which contains black and rooibos teas and cranberry juice, or the Tea Lemonade, which is basically an Arnold Palmer with some electrolytes, caffeine and of course the typical energy drink cocktail of ginseng, guarana, taurine, quercetin, and L-carnitine. Interestingly, the ingredients list for these drinks also includes coconut water, goji berry, acai and mangosteen extracts.

The side of the can has some marketing bravado about dreaming these mixtures up after a killer hangover, bro, at a Vegas resort, man, but there’s something to be said for the relatively “gentle” (again, we’re talking about energy drinks here) formulation of stimulants and thirst-quenching components in these drinks when compared to most of the Radical, Tubular, Thrashin’, Kick-Ass energy drinks on the market. They wake me up without making me feel like I just did a cocaine shooter. Not bad, Monster. Not bad.

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